Guess Who’s Back ?

So it’s been what, 15 months  since I stopped active blogging ? Well then, these have been the most entertaining 15 months of my life. Some things change, some things stay constant. Life can show its love for a person in crazy ways. The more ridiculous it makes itself for you and the more it messes with you, the more it likes you. Then there are some of those things which can’t be enjoyed within “the internets” which was my home for a long time. Physically being around crazy people is a lot different than hanging out in IRC and bulletin boards with crazy people.

And I’ve been living without constant internet access for a long time now. And initially that had been the hardest thing. I’d taken for granted that I could spend all my free hours on the internet everyday. And I like this place not without reason. Almost everything I learned I learned online. My entire lifestyle grew on the internet. My personality developed on the internet. Yeah, and thinking about my parents coming to know of this makes me shiver; I have plenty of images in my mind as to how they would react. And its been an awesome journey too.

Back when I was 13 I used my first desktop PC. And that was pretty late a time to start learning stuff by most standards. Kids are supposed to learn best in the five years after pre-school right ? But learning is one thing, and getting to know stuff that is fun is a totally different thing. And I restricted myself to learn only fun stuff, because that way, I would never feel stressed out. Who feels stressed out due to having too much fun anyway ? I was 14 by the time I had personal internet access for the first time. And along with internet entered several changes that are more than obvious. A person connected has access to every corner of the world. I was exposed to all of it, and it felt like a dream back then. A few clicks were all I needed to access anything. And that way, nothing seemed out of bounds anymore.

By the time I was 16, I was transformed from the citizen of a country to a global netizen. And then were two years of excessive online activity. I started blogging, and The Smaller Bang was born. But soon enough, all this came to a sudden stop. I started grad school back in July 2009 and everything changed all of a sudden. I started to get plagued by health problems of all types. My academic performance started deteriorating proportionally to my health. My doctors could treat my symptoms but could never pin point the source of my problems. And I, who had taken my life for granted started going psycho crazy. I had constant bouts of mood swings and most of the time I was either angry or depressed or confused. What was most annoying at that time was the fact that none of the conventional methods I used to get information from, which involved googling and referring to online knowledge bases, helped me much since I couldn’t even myself describe my symptoms properly.

Socially, I was a huge disaster thanks to my mental state which was on the borders of sanity. Each day a person spoke to me he spoke to a different personality this freaked people out. My eccentricities brought me a good amount of infamy even among the few I could call friends. And it took me one whole year to figure out a way of fixing myself. I tried a whole lot of unconventional (atleast unconventional as far as I was concerned) things, like some weird forms of yogic meditation which involved channelling energy from one part of the body to another, changing my lifestyle, isolating myself from others and even relocating myself from home to my college’s hostel. And slowly, (even I don’t know how) things started getting better. I started regaining confidence in myself and stopped having blackouts, atleast their frequency was a lot lesser than before. And then, little by little, everything started improving. All of a sudden, I started topping a few examinations in my class, and everything started getting back to normal. I doubt I could describe how all this happened entirely, because I myself know little of exactly what happened and even if I am ever able to describe it, it will take several pages.

So how am I today ? Well, right now, I am sitting with my laptop remembering all that ever happened in the past two years and trying to put the different pieces of my life together. And yeah, since all is well and fine, I figured I may as well resume active blogging. Today I am once again a happy person, with my life in my own hands and with a hell lot in mind as to what to do next.

All is well that ends well indeed, but now, things are just beginning

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